Sex is a wonderful thing. A deeply intimate, spiritual, human experience!
What happens for us when our own consensual sexual behaviors and patterns start to feel "bad" or "wrong?" How do we define what is "healthy" versus "problematic" or "out of control"--especially when "sex" is often laden with guilt and shame to begin with? What is healthy for one individual may be quite problematic for another.
We do, however, have our own internal barometers of what feels "right" or "good" before, during, and after a sexual interaction. Additionally, when our consensual sexual behaviors and patterns become "out of control", many men share some fairly common experiences
1. THE BLACK HOLE - ever sat down at the computer for a quick dose of porn or sexual online chat, and realize hours later that "it happened again?" It could be an hour, for some, and days, for others.
2. SPIN CYCLE - whew--finished with the latest sexual conquest or activity, only to begin immediately wondering when the next time will be? The next hit of sexual high or release? During work, time with a partner, spouse, or friends--always planning or plotting how to make it happen again.
3. RAISED EYEBROWS - why does the boss keep looking at you funny? A large number of men, and women, use their work computers for sexual purposes. And an equal number of HR departments know about it. Maybe you've even been confronted with it at work, only to find yourself right back it.
There are ways to make effective changes in your relationship to sex. This, too, is an individual matter. Group therapy provides a facilitated approach to understanding what's underneath the labels, and begin to understand what these self-defeating sexual behaviors and patterns represent. In so doing, many men find hope and can begin to shift their relationship with sex that feels health(ier) for them.