What have I got against sex?

     I was hanging a flyer for this group and someone walked by and asked me, "Dude, what have you got against sex?" 

     This is not an unusual question, and I think it's important to answer it. 

     NOTHING! Wow! I think sex is great!

     What can become problematic, however, is someone's relationship to sex. Not sex, itself, but how we relate to sexual behaviors and patterns.

  • Are you having sex when you'd really rather not?
  • Are you struggling to think about things other than sex--work, family, relationships, the kids, your future?
  • Are your sexual behaviors escalating in frequency or content?
  • Does it feel like sexual thoughts are running your life, not contributing to your life? 

     Self-defeating sexual behaviors or patterns can be a sign that there are other, often defensive, forces at work in our psyche--anger, shame, fear. These feelings can be so unbearable that sex "comes to the rescue!" It's very effective. So effective that other means of coping pale in comparison. Eventually, we lose sight of what role we really want sex to play in our lives. Over time, we become even more anxious, distraught, and isolated. And so, use more sex to bear these feelings.

    Group therapy provides us with a unique environment to find commonalities with others, identify underlying patterns and feelings, and explore a health(ier) relationship to sex and sexuality.  

    So, no...I don't have anything "against sex." I hope that sex is a vibrant, satisfying, "knock your socks off" part of your life. In a way that works for you. Not defined by me.